By Shruti Mathur Desai

You may recognize my name from reporting back to Wedding Decorator about the various weddings I’ve attended. But now I’ve been invited to write a bit about a very special wedding (to me): My own!

A bit of background: My fiance Ravi and I met on our second day of college at the University of Minnesota. It took us a year to start dating, but it’s been eight wonderful years with him! Last September, he ambushed me with a surprise proposal and on July 4, 2009, we were married at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in St. Paul Minnesota.

I will spread out my wedding planning process over a few posts and I hope to add layers with pictures, as they come in from my talented friends and family.

A Minnesota Desi wedding

I love the word desi to describe members of the South Asian diaspora. I love its inclusiveness of all of South Asia as well as our diasporic existence.

Which is why I like to describe my July 4 wedding as a desi wedding. My family has North & South Indian heritage with Muslim influence. My fiance has a North Indian heritage. Both of us were born and raised in America. In our planning, we worked hard to include traditions that honored our mixed heritage and culture.

On the surface, it looked very much like a large (350 guests), traditional Indian wedding. We had a Hindu priest, wore traditional clothing and served Indian food. But I also carried a bouquet and had bridesmaids, we exchanged personal vows, rings and kisses & our Indian dessert was a mang0-cardamom cheesecake.

I know that we are not the first to do this and we will not be the last, but I am glad we did. In my family, I am one of the first to get married in America. I think that a lot of my family members who came from India appreciated the fact that we retained a lot of the “Mathur” family traditions in our wedding, especially in our choices to wear our family’s traditional outfit. My dress, called a Dandiya Lengha, has its roots in the northern state of Rajasthan. Ravi also wore the traditional jewelry and outfit of my Hyderabadi Mathur Kayasth family, including a headpiece and pearl necklace.

A note on traditional Indian wedding clothing: There is no such thing. Though the basic Vedic wedding ceremony remains the same, each region brings its own traditions surrounding the wedding ceremony, clothing included.

Just Married! Photo: Kim Maxwell Vu

My dress incorporated elements of my mother’s, grandmother’s and cousin’s dress into it, and was hand-sewed by my aunt. Without even trying, I had my something old, something new and something borrowed! I also wore a nose ring and traditional jewelry from my family, including a seven-string pearl necklace and glass bangles.

Following the wedding, my husband (!) and I changed into different outfits. For me, this was part of a compromise to have the traditions of my family during the wedding but the reception elegance and comfort I pictured. I wore an Indian outfit, but picked out one that was modeled on an American wedding dress silhouette, down to having a train and bustle! I picked it up at Zuni Fashions in Iselin, NJ, a popular area for buying Indian clothing. My husband changed into a black suit with a matching paisley tie, both from Macy’s (and bought during sales using coupons and discounts!)

With Kim Maxwell Vu

I also went on Etsy and bought a custom-made fascinator. I absolutely adore these little pieces of millinery and artist Lo Boheme made me a beautiful one, incorporating a peacock feather, which echoed our theme.

dance floor view of fascinator! Photo: Kim Maxwell Vu

One last thing on clothing: NEVER undestimate the importance of comfortable shoes! I ended up paying a little more than I would’ve liked for my shoes but I am SO glad I purchased them. They were gold platform sandals with diamond accents — very elegant but also comfortable. I found them originally on Nordstrom, then did a Google search for the exact brand name and found them on a site for cheaper. Then I looked up a coupon code for that site…I got my $99 shoes for $60!

OMG Shoes!

I also took old earrings and added jewel-pink Swarovski crystals so they would match my necklace for the reception (which was given to me by my aunt). It cost $1.40. Most of my traditional jewelry was in the family or borrowed from family members — I liked that it had meaning — and as an added bonus, it also meant we didn’t have to buy a lot of stuff that would only be worn once!

We bargained quite a bit for our dress — which is expected in an Indian store. But try it in a traditional dress store — I think you’d be surprised at the compromises salespeople are willing to make!

And never underestimate the power of clothing! It’s okay to make a few different choices to give your dress that extra oomph (red shoes with white wedding dress? LOVE IT!). For me, I love that my clothing managed to reflect both my family traditions as well as my own tastes.